quinta-feira, setembro 29, 2011

Cigarette Countdown #20

O caminho foi longo até chegar aqui. 
Um caminho inteiro de interrupções para lembrar de você. Para achar você em outras ruas, outros becos, outros dentros, em mim. 
Enfim, de volta. Enfim novamente aqui. Enfim, ao fim do maço.

Neste cigarro derradeiro acendo uma fria chama, um alento para lembrar seu cheiro, seu gosto, seus sons. Porém a cada tragada, a cada fumaça lançada ao longe, as lembranças se dissipam um pouco. Queria reter as memórias por mais tempo. Então penso em parar de fumar, penso em parar de querer... E mais uma vez entendo que essa sou eu: a que sempre quer, a que não aceita por menos.

Confuso, sonolento e angustiantemente finito. Esse é o meu cigarro-memória consumido por mim e pelo vento frio que vem da janela do meu apartamento. E com o crepitar da brasa revivo sua risada quente e sua voz rouca me perguntando: “Quanto vale um cigarro?” 
Vale tanto. 
Valeu o pouco que você me pediu e o muito que eu pude te dar. 
Vale a vida que se segue. 
Vale essa nova manhã vista daqui do alto, que começa a se agitar num ruído diferente,um chiado ao longe, uma estática eterna. E se me lembro bem de um sonho que talvez eu tenha tido, você me disse que essa história será como um televisor ligado, e que não cabe a nós desligá-lo, apenas abaixar ou aumentar o volume quando desejarmos.

Não consigo terminar esse cigarro.

Deixo-o então terminar-se, por si só, queimando num cinzeiro vazio. Deito no sofá, ligo a televisão em nenhum canal, abaixo o volume, apenas por enquanto. E por enquanto também esqueço seus olhos e fechos os meus. Enfim, adormeço, sem você, mas com o nosso incessante porém reconfortante ruído. 


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